Hey, checked it out. Since this is a first time for you I will try to help as best I can. There really is not much to go off though since this is very short.
The writing itself, introductions are pretty important since they are the first impression that gets a reader hooked to the story. This story starts out with backstory through what the character is thinking about. That's pretty much all there is, then the the game abruptly ends.
People are always thinking and readers love to get into the mind of a character. However, it has to be done well. The character’s thoughts need to be interesting, yet natural. Don’t just have a character think only for the sake of relating backstory.
Next is the use of 'you were' 'you did x' instead of 'I was' 'I did x' is this intentional? I ask this because im not sure if the character in the story 'writer' is supposed to be a self insert of the reader or not.
If not then it needs to be changed to 'I' for the characters thoughts or for narration 'he/she' and so on.
The story so far needs some proof reading. There are spelling/grammar errors thoughout.
Since there was not much else written so far that is all I have.
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Hey, checked it out. Since this is a first time for you I will try to help as best I can. There really is not much to go off though since this is very short.
The writing itself, introductions are pretty important since they are the first impression that gets a reader hooked to the story. This story starts out with backstory through what the character is thinking about. That's pretty much all there is, then the the game abruptly ends.
People are always thinking and readers love to get into the mind of a character. However, it has to be done well. The character’s thoughts need to be interesting, yet natural. Don’t just have a character think only for the sake of relating backstory.
Next is the use of 'you were' 'you did x' instead of 'I was' 'I did x' is this intentional? I ask this because im not sure if the character in the story 'writer' is supposed to be a self insert of the reader or not.
If not then it needs to be changed to 'I' for the characters thoughts or for narration 'he/she' and so on.
The story so far needs some proof reading. There are spelling/grammar errors thoughout.
Since there was not much else written so far that is all I have.
Thank you so much for playing and taking your time to give feedback! :) I will take your feedback with me into my next project :)
No problem at all, good luck on the future projects!